God Reality? A Testimony (9)
December 9th 2009 05:19
The Battle and One Man’s Reality
“My name is legion,” the evil spirit replied, “for we are many.” The Gospel of Mark: Ch.5; Vs.9.
For the purposes of brevity and boring you with needless exposition, the next twenty years will be condensed into a paragraph of woe, the tale of a man stumbling through life in a drug and alcohol fuelled daze.
The worst thing about mind altering substances apart from the physical damage and separation from God is you make bad decisions. In my case, for example, unprotected sex led to pregnancy, which in turn led to marriage. Before I could say ‘close the gate’, there were three children—to a man who could barely look after himself let alone be a responsible husband and father. Needless to say, the marriage ended in divorce, and shortly thereafter I attempted to end my life.
Obviously that attempt failed, so I tried again, and again. At this point, you are probable thinking that I mustn’t have been real serious about it, because the truth is that if you really want to, it is not that hard. However, deep down, I didn’t want to leave my children fatherless and these desperate attempts were nothing more than cries for help. I wanted someone to come along and make things right, remove my addictions and straighten out my mind. Only, there is but one person who can do that. First, however, I had to reach rock bottom.
It came after a particularly bad night. I went to visit an old friend armed with a bottle of bourbon. When J answered the door, I immediately realised something was wrong. He looked terrible, and when I asked after his health, he told me he had just been diagnosed with liver cancer and the doctors had given him only months to live. J was 28. Realising that alcohol was the last thing my friend would want to see; I promptly removed myself and headed to the beach, where I set about draining the bottle.
I woke the following morning lying next to a grave in the local cemetery with no idea or memory of how I got there. We all have a breaking point and this was mine—thank God. As I sat in the dirt, the events of the past few years welled-up inside, and I was suddenly wracked by an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt. That’s when I made a life-changing determination: If I am not going to commit suicide, then I have to live. And this was no way to go about it. (Cont.)
“My name is legion,” the evil spirit replied, “for we are many.” The Gospel of Mark: Ch.5; Vs.9.
For the purposes of brevity and boring you with needless exposition, the next twenty years will be condensed into a paragraph of woe, the tale of a man stumbling through life in a drug and alcohol fuelled daze.
The worst thing about mind altering substances apart from the physical damage and separation from God is you make bad decisions. In my case, for example, unprotected sex led to pregnancy, which in turn led to marriage. Before I could say ‘close the gate’, there were three children—to a man who could barely look after himself let alone be a responsible husband and father. Needless to say, the marriage ended in divorce, and shortly thereafter I attempted to end my life.
It came after a particularly bad night. I went to visit an old friend armed with a bottle of bourbon. When J answered the door, I immediately realised something was wrong. He looked terrible, and when I asked after his health, he told me he had just been diagnosed with liver cancer and the doctors had given him only months to live. J was 28. Realising that alcohol was the last thing my friend would want to see; I promptly removed myself and headed to the beach, where I set about draining the bottle.
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